Dear Commnity,
My name is Bence, and I’m a fresh expat in the beatiful city of Frankfurt am Main, Germany.
A few months ago, when one of my ex colleagues from Germany called me saying that they are looking for engineers to their new team and I could join, I immediately got really excited.
I knew that finding an apartment, moving to a whole new country, leaving all my friends and family behind, integreating to the new culture and environment, learning a new lanuage will be really challgenging, but I never thought that having an Internet connection in our time is this difficult.
So here is my story.
When I moved in, I knew that I will have to take care of 3 things first. The city registration, the German Bank Account, and (of course) the internet.
I heard that here in Germany the people are huge fans of the bureaucracy, so I was the most afraid of the first one. Surprisingly though, the online appointment booking worked fine, and since I did it in advance, I finished there in less than 10 minutes with everything. One done, two more to go. Easy.
I asked around for my possibilites, and since I was told that Telekom is the owner of the network in our building, it seemed to be the obvious choice to go there directly.
My jaw first dropped when they told me that the highest available speed I can get is 50Mb/s. (I live right next to a skyscraper, not in a village.) And no other provider can give me any faster.
The second surprise was that I can only have the contract if I have a German Bank Account. But well, what can you do. And I need it anyways. So – being a bit disappointed but definitely not broken – I continued my journey to the world of the German Banks.
Everybody I met in Germany told me that I should open an account with DKB. It’s an online bank, one can register in a few minutes, and after proving identity through a video call, it’s done.
That’s what I call XXI. century! No more than 10 minutes later I already had the email in my inbox saying they received my request and will finish up everything and send me the details and my credit card by the end of the week.
So waiting. As soon as I get it, I can just go right back to Telekom, and after living in the darkness for many days, I’ll just join back to the civilization again.
But at the end of the week I didn’t get a credit card. Nor the details. Just a mail, saying I am not eligible for their services.
After a few phone calls they told me it’s because my previous Eastern European (Senior Software Engineer) salary is not high enough for their standards.
So the very next day I started at another bank (Commerzbank). This time a real one, not an online. I went to their closest branch, and asked for opening an account.
I was told there that I need an appointment for that, but the guy was so kind, he gave me slot to the next Monday.
I guess I don’t even have to mention, that the time he browsed through his calendar took longer than opening the account on Monday. But what can you do. German bureaucracy we finally met.
One week wasted.
As soon as I got the IBAN number on Monday, I ran straight to Telekom, to open an account.
The lady there told me slightly different conditions for the service with the same name, but what can you do. I guess either her or the first guy didn’t know it right.
I just wanted an internet connection. I was prepared for that I might will need a telephone service as well, because it’s the same line for them.
(By then I was also informed about the ridiculous price changes by the time and the matter. Like for the first 6-12 months it’s XY euros, but after then it’s more the twice of that, but if you also sign for a mobile contract, it’s gonna be less than something, but not really. And also you can have flat rates for applications, like they don’t count the mobile data usage for netflix. Or spotify. Or something. But in the end, it takes more effort to get out of this maze than what you can actually save.)
But I was also told there, that since I’m not 28 yet, I can get a TV subscription or a Smart Home System for free.
I told her that I don’t watch TV, (especially not in German) what is this Smart Home thing?
She explained that they will install cameras in front of my door and it will send me alarms when someone enters my room.
Well, I live in the 4th floor, and we don’t have an elevator, so even I wouldn’t walk up here if i didn’t have to. No burglar is that stupid.
And anyways, I don’t want to be watched 27/4. So I just said no thanks, if I have to chose one, let’s do the TV. (BTW I pay this stupid radio/tv tax anyways ~50 eur/3months)
We aggreed, weaved good bye and I returned to my empty home, waiting for the internet to come.
After a week I started receiving the first signs of it. At first a mail with the date of the service launch. Then the router. Then text messages. Then more text messages. 11 of them by now.
Mostly like (not precise translation)
“Be prepared, we will launch the service soon.”
“Check the mails, you got the date.”
“The technician will come let him in.”
“Problem! We need the name of the previous tenant of the apartment.”
“Thank you for the name of the tenant.”
“Be prepared, the technician will come”
“Congratulations, we found the previous tenant in the system, the technician don’t have to come”
“Be prepared, the technician will come”
“You can connect the service now.”
It was weird, but I was low key happy. I don’t have many friends here yet, at least someone sent me messages.
I got a mail too. With the details of the service I signed for. And it says that I’ll have to pay 5 euros/month for the Smart Home System. Oh my. Never mind, I’ll deall with it later.
Then the day has come. I requested a Home Office to be able to do it in the specified time. You know, it’s quite a lot to ask for during your probation period, but I was really excited because I haven’t had internet for 3 weeks by then. Any my colleagues were really kind to let me do it.
I did everything as specified through the DSL Hilfe magic application. The LEDs on the router started blinking. I was just smiling like a kid. I was really happy. I even subscribed netflix the same day.
After work I watched a movie, but my happiness didn’t last too long.
At around 10pm, the streaming just stopped. I checked on the router and it was blinking weirdly. A few minutes later the service came back, but just for a few seconds.
The router was rebooting over and over and over and over again.
I was really tired by then, so after trying to reconnect for 2 hours, I decided to go to the bed, hoping that it will be fine again by the morning.
I woke up the next day at around 8am. I don’t know if it was the excitement or something else, but I was really looking forward to do some Internet stuff finally, because I had a lot of things to do, and I almost ran out of all my mobile data by then.
But the Internet was completely gone. No signs of it at all. Just one last message from Telekom:
“Your service is ready. Have fun.”
Thanks.
At first, I started reading the manuals over and over again if I missed something, but no. Then I checked online, no help really. So I decided to call the support.
Uh-oh, It starts with the robot, and it’s in German.
Never mind, Telekom has an online support chat. I logged in, waited for my queue, then I explained my problem there in details, around 15 lines.
The only answer i got was: “Sorry. Please call {support number}”.
Well, this didn’t work out quite well, but I won’t give up this easy.
There is this great Community Forum with many satisfied customers and techicians, maybe they can help me. I’ve got many messages, and in the course of 4-5 hours the router reset they suggested seemed to be working.
At least for one hour. Then the whole thing started over again.
But I still won’t give up. I’ve been waiting for more than 3 weeks for my Internet. I need it.
So I asked my only friend there in Frankfurt to help me. She called the support number and told me which numbers should I press to get a human at the other end of the line finally.
Unfortunately he didn’t speak any English, but during the time I spent here I learned some words. So even though comminicating mostly by hand signs are quite difficult through the phone, we kind of understood each other, and he gave me the number of the English support line.
Oh wow, there is an English support! Where did you hide so far?!
I immediately called them, my hands were shaking of the excitement, but it was a false alarm:
“Dear customer. This is the Telekom Support line. Our service hours are Monday to Friday. Good bye.”
Shit. It’s still saturday.
I knew that I’ll be abroad the next week, so I can’t call them on monday.
Fortunately my friend helped me out, she came by and called the German support.
After she told them that she is calling on my behalf, she got lectured by the support guy saying “If one signs our contract, we expect from that person to speak German fluently.”
Oh sure, fuck me, right?
Anyways, after a few minutes they came to the conclusion that I don’t have internet and it should be fixed. Thanks.
So the plan for that is the following:
– A german technician will come next friday.
– I have to be at home, so I have to get Home Office again.
– I will have to show him the “Hausanschlussraum” whatever it is.
– Oh, and he doesn’t speak any English.
Awesome. Looking forward to it.
She also asked about the Smart Home part of my contract, which I definitely not requested.
They said that it must be a mistake, and I have to go to the branch, because they can only change it there.
So we went there, and there was only one guy. He told us that it is right, it must be a mistake, but it can only be changed by the person who prepared the contract, so we can’t do it now.
He saved my phone number though and told me that he will contact the girl and she will call me as soon as she can to fix it. Great.
The days have spent, I officially moved to Germany 1 month ago, but still no Internet.
I used to go to McDonalds just for their WiFi which has a 3 hour limit on. By this time I could have shot Supersize me 2, I spent so much time there eating their junk.
And today, after asking for the second home office within my first month, the technician came to save me from my misery and give the software engineer his internet finally.
– Hi my dear savior, let me lead you to the Hausanschlussraum!
– router first.
– Sure. 
He plugged it in. Then off. Then his magic devices in and out and back and forth. Turned it around a couple of times, then started my router.
-It works.
-Yes, for like 2 minutes, as I’ve explained earlier.
-ok.
(1 minute later)
-It works.
-Wait for it.
(2 minutes later)
-Oh it’s gone.
-Told ya.
-Well, the service is fine on my device, so it’s the router. It is a usual problem though. Just take it to the branch, they will replace it for you.
-Are you sure.
-Yes. Bye.
…
-Bye.
So I had to finish some work stuff, and then I went to the Telekom branch. I told the lady at the counter that I came because the technician told me that you will my replace broken router.
She laughed at me and told me that they won’t replace it, but she will get me a number for “contract problems” or something like that.
And then I was waiting. I don’t know if it was just because I was really inpatient by then or it took 20 minutes to call me for real, but it felt way too long.
Finally I got called and I saw 2 people there. A guy and the girl who prepared my contract previously. Perfect – I thought – I can take care of everything at once.
(Since she never called me. I guess she was really busy the whole week.)
So I explained them that the technician came today and he forwarded me here. He told me that everyting is perfectly fine, except for the router which has this common problem, they must know about it already. Please replace it.
They started asking for papers and number I never had, and then checking the router around. They told me they can’t replace it, but they will check if it is really broken.
Like… Bro, your guy just said it 3 hours ago that it is broken.
They plugged it in, and said, see, it’s working fine. It must be a cable problem. That’s usual. We will give you a replacement cable.
Man, are you fucking kidding me?! It keeps restarting even without the cable plugged in. And I mean, I am no router expert by any means, but even a broken cable should not do that.
But they kept telling me that it must be the cable, so here is the new one, and if it still not works, I can bring it back, and they will order me a new router and I can get it in 2 weeks again.
Awesome.
By the way, I am renting this router from Telekom for 5 euros / month, and it is brand new. A “Speedport Smart”. Smart my ass.
Since I was there already I asked about the Smart Home thing as well. She kept telling me, that it is for free, because they give me 120 euros of discount. But baby, I get the 120 euros even without that stupid Smart Home crap that I’ll never install anyways. I just don’t need it. No discounts, no smart home, nothing but internet and the regular fee. Leave me alone. But I guess she didn’t understand me, because she said she can’t change it, but she can give the money back when I get my first bill.
Awesome. I like to spend my days with Telekom anyways.
So here I am now, after more than a month in Germany, alone in my Apartment with my router on a Friday night, whining on online boards using the last megabytes of my mobile data left because guess what.
The new cable didn’t cure the broken router.
See you tomorrow.
Engeddel 